Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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