I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
