Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
