so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
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I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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