i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
All the doctor said was why
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
