Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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