Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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