you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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