She's JV to your varsity
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
