yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
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