I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
