Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
