If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize