5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
