so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
