My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
