woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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