it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Someone signed my nipple.
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