Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
