Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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