I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
