I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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