I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
