How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
