Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
