I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Randomize
