20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
