maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
i need some magic done to my vagina
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
that is very illegal...i love you.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
