I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
