The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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