Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
