Don't make out with my wife yet
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
