i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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