I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You're a waste of cheezeits
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
