I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
