Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
