Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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