I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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