Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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