So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
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Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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