My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
