We named our party play list daddy issues
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
