Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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