don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
