Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
