I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
