The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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