I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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