he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
