So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
