They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
