i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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