Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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