it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
