He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
