she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
