wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
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