All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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