My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
