Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
