i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
