There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
